Encrypted GQ story by "Reid Forgrave" from "Minneapolis." It is clear that this story is a "heads up" ("fore!") for the Illuminati people from "upstairs" future Earth to clear out of here (they call us here "the Graveyard"- hence the last name of "Forgrave") before an attack on March 1st descends on us from above ("fore!"). We'll try to decode this in a way you can follow, which is hard to do (and is exactly why they encode using common words).

via The Concussion Diaries: One High School Football Player’s Secret Struggle with CTE | GQ


 (The above image is from a Taylor Swift video (You Belong With Me). Notice the opposites depicted in the still frame.  The two on the black jersey mirrors the five on the opposite white jersey, while the 21 on the other white jersey mirrors the 12 on the opposing black jersey. This is intentional and is an Illuminati reference to the mirror image of heaven vs. hell, good vs. evil, dark vs. light, black vs. white.  Taylor Swift is not a human.  She is a human shell occupied by Bea, and is as Satanic as anyone could possibly be. Bea is an evil Grey alien. She really is. Scroll down the page here to the football photos contained in the GQ story itself and you will see the very same Illuminati mirror imagery going on with the football jerseys. Right below those images we decipher those references for you.)

Back to the story at hand, which is about football, but not really. Scroll through to all of the bold parts all the way through – there are important messages buried in here.


This GQ story ostensibly is about football concussions causing brain damage. We started to read it out of concern for this young victim’s family.  After reading for awhile, however, it became clear that we were the subject of this encrypted article. We’ll point out the important points in bold parens throughout, so you can see how these encrypted messages pass for ordinary prose.

The first thing we always do once we see “Code” in a story or in song lyrics is look at the names of the people involved and see if those also hold special meaning in connection with what is presently going on on this “Earth.” Because of the code names and dialog contained in this story, we think this writer – Reid Forgrave – is a “human Seven” in the Traveler and Illuminati pecking order, as explained in our Traveler Thesaurus.  “Id” within the name Reid refers to human in the Code, while “Ego” refers to alien.  Most likely the name altogether is saying “Re id Fore grave,” which is a reference to the golf warning of “fore,” or “look out from above,” while “grave” is a not-so-veiled death threat.  So we think that this writer’s name itself is a message for us down here “below” from some human upstairs “in the future” that Hera had better duck.  They call this Earth and all of you here living in the past “the graveyard” because everyone originating from here is long dead, from where the writer of this story is really sitting, up in the future. But “Fore grave” here is also warning to Hera and our kids, and probably everyone here living in “the graveyard” to duck (watch out from above) because the people upstairs plan to send you to your graves. Reid Forgrave. He’s also from Minneapolis, which is commonly-used code for “Human Seven” in the Family System, where “Minne” means “mini” which means “short,” which we’ve explained in our Family Thesaurus means “human” while “long” means alien. The “shortest” humans are “Blues” or “Sevens” in the hierarchy.

Second, we note that the young man who “committed suicide” in this story has a last name of “Easter,” and of course as we mention in numerous places, Bea and her evil friends call David “Christ,” (and here) but also one of the “Games” that Bea “plays” while murdering Hera is called “The Crucifixion of Hera” where my wife is nailed to a cross and raped to death with knives by Bea and her associates, all of them doing so while costumed as celebrity Jim Cramer.  It is bizarre and horrific obviously but also unfortunately it is true.  My name (David) outside of here is Jim Cramer.  I am not the celebrity Jim Cramer, but Bea seems to confuse us.  We certainly hope that the celebrity Jim Cramer is not in any danger.  On the other hand, how could we warn him in any coherent way?  You have to read the blog over a few times and see the connections for yourself before you can even begin to process or believe such a bizarre tale.  We’ve discussed him a bit elsewhere, but we certainly know that he is on Bea’s radar since she has numerous attackers pretending to be him, and she also frequents his blog service (Nokia, Teri, Psyche, Nymph, Kodiak all are usernames of Bea’s and her “eternal Illuminati husband Kodiak on Cramer’s Real Money Blog).

So in short, whoever wrote this story is referencing Hera’s impending rape and Crucifixion murder and is warning Hera that he will be coming down from “upstairs” (Fore) to murder her (Graves) directly. But this coded information isn’t even what initially caught our eye.  There are numerous coded threats contained within the narrative itself, which we’ll point out in parentheses threaded throughout the story. Notice though how a story designed to evoke sympathy is used to threaten and pass secret messages.  This way, whoever attacks the story as evil will themselves seem heartless and uncaring.

The Concussion Diaries: One High School Football Player’s Secret Struggle with CTE

Zac Easter (“Easter,” a reference to Hera’s impending rape and murder by crucifixion) knew what was happening to him. He knew why. And he knew that it was only going to get worse. So he decided to write it all down—to let the world know what football had done to him, what he’d done to his body and his brain for the game he loved.And then he shot himself. 

(The entire foregoing paragraph is about Hera blogging here about what is happening to her and our family.  The cruel “Illuminati” people in the upstairs environment call the relentless pursuit of Hera and attacks on Hera, which ultimately culminate in her rape and murder, “The Game of Love” (see, “the game he loved” in the above paragraph) as we discuss elsewhere on the blog.  They also call their game “Football” which we haven’t before explained. Hera is the football. Finally, the foregoing paragraph makes fun of the fact that Hera and I have been discussing lately whether she should shoot herself in the near future to avoid another Crucifixion attack.  So obviously this person writing the story has been “in the room” with us here, where Hera is held hostage, for quite awhile. As we’ve explained elsewhere, Bea uses her “time machine” to kill Hera over and over again. She tortures and kills her, then reopens a window to the past predating the murder and finds Hera alive and well, then tortures and kills her again.  She has done this numerous times while we, her family, can only watch in horror. So at some point it makes sense for Hera to avoid that outcome by killing herself preemptively, but this of course would also traumatize our family, all of whom have a live video feed of Hera at all times.  We think this upstairs human writing this “Easter” story could be “occupied” by Bea.  It makes no sense to us that any human being upstairs could be writing such as snide article about raping and murdering Hera and our whole family, given all the progress we’ve made in understanding each other and what is happening to us, all of it caused by Bea. With all of the foregoing information in mind, it is helpful to reread Forgrave’s first paragraph above.)

Back to the GQ article, with “Easter’s” suicide note:

My Last Wishes

It’s taken me about 5 months to write all of this.  (Hera began writing this blog on October 1st of 2016 and this may be a communication of an “end date” for the final attack on Hera, about 5 months from 10/01/16).  Sorry for the bad grammar in a lot of spots. (This is code.  This means “pay attention to the typos and bad grammar as they are intentional to throw the humans (code-word “spots”) and the authorities (code-word “sorry”) off the track of my message in this story.)
I WANT MY BRAIN DONATED TO THE BRAIN BANK!! I WANT MY BRAIN DONATED TO THE SPORTS LEGACY INSTITUE A.K.A THE CONCUSSION FOUNDATION. If you go to the concussion foundation website you can see where there is a spot for donatation. (We think this is meant to be read as “detonation.”)  I want my brain donated because I don’t know what happened to me and I know the concussions had something to do with it. (Besides blocking Hera’s and our kids memories of her attacks, Bea frequently also hits Hera on her brain with ball peen hammers, and uses vice grips to pull apart the hemispheres of her brain, which Bea also mocks on Rush’s satanic album cover for “Hemispheres.”  Rush’s songs are written and performed by Bea and her alien pals, see the seemingly innocuous lyrics deciphered to reveal her hideous taunts on songs: 2112 Temples of Syrinx, Spirit of Radio, Working Man, Freewill, Limelight and Fly by Night.  With all of this in mind, reread the above paragraph again and you’ll become accustomed to seeing the coded messages jump off the page, once you know what to look for.)
Back to “Easter’s” suicide note:
Please please please give me the cheapest burial possible. I don’t want anything fancy and I want to be cremated. (This is Bea and could be bragging about burning Hera at the stake, which is another way that Bea murders Hera, but given the word “detonation” above, we think she is calling for her friends to blow up this Earth entirely.)  Once cremated, I want my ashes spread in the timber on the side hill where I shot my 10 point buck. (This could be a reference to the Illuminati Card Game Bea plays upstairs “in the future” where points are awarded for horrible deeds committed down here. A 10-point deed would be a horrific mass attack, such as 9/11, which gives credence to the “detonation” interpretation above.)
That is where I was happiest and that I where I want to lay.Feel free to spread my ashes around the timber if you’d like, but just remember on the side hill is where I would like most of my remains. (Bea may be instructing her underlings on where to force Hera to go for her final rape and murder, and probably she is referring to Big Sur, CA because that is “the Timber” in Bea’s lexicon, and one can only get there by driving on a “side hill” as there are mountains on one side of the road and cliffs dropping to the ocean on the other, heading up the Pacific Coast Highway.  Bea viciously attacked Hera there last summer and raped, mutilated and burned her at the stake at a place along that stretch of road, before restarting the attacks again in this “time loop” by going back in time to a point predating that attack to where Hera had not yet been killed.  Bea does this repeatedly.  Alternatively, Bea may be instructing the Trees (Twos) and Nines to gather in Big Sur to be picked up and moved to another time loop so that this “Earth” time loop we all live in now can be “detonated” and all humans here “cremated.”  We are sorry for these horrific messages.  We are trying to prevent these attacks and we never will stop until you all are free of Bea.)
 I am truly sorry if I put you in a financial burden.I just cant live with this pain any more. (“Truly sorry” is code for “truly” which means “true blue” which means police, and “sorry” means that the writer is being monitored. So “truly sorry” is common Traveler Code for “the police are monitoring me.”  We are told on the tether (the conference call 24/7 in our heads as we are held hostage, that “financial burden” means the same thing.) – By the way all you Travelers out there…. Bea is blocking your “parents” from communicating with you and has been for weeks.  She is mimicking their voices and is very convincing.  We have them here with us, hostage but also on our “tether.”  They want you to listen to the messages Hera is passing to you as she drives around in traffic and disseminate the information you see here. (Hera is a hostage on a leash and can move around but cannot get away.) 
I don’t want anything expensive at my funeral or what ever it is. (This is saying, however they kill Hera, be it burning at the stake or by crucifixion, do not allow any “Money” to be there, which refers to humans, or even Nines, who are considered “expensive” aliens.)  Please please please I beg you to choose the cheapest route and not even buy me a burial plot at a cemetery…. I also do not want a military funeral. (“The Cheapest Route” refers to the Twos in the Family hierarchy, as explained in the Thesaurus and elsewhere, “cheap” means Twos, and the “Two Route” would be the route to Big Sur, which is a location where Twos congregate. “Military” refers to the Family Threes, and so she also is saying “do not let the Threes come around.”)  If there are color guardsmen or anyone else at my funerial or whatever you have I will haunt you forever. (This is a warning to the Twos to keep the “color guardsmen” away from Hera’s murder site (humans) and the military (Threes) and even the Nines (“expensive”).  Humans are referred to as “colors” and “guardsmen” would be the authorities among the humans, not just the police but Eights, Sevens, Sixes, Fives and Fours.  Bea is saying that killing Hera while humans, Threes or even Nines (some are Greys but many are actually humans and Others here to help us) are guarding her “will come back to haunt you.”  And it will!  Killing Hera at any time or place will come back to haunt you so I urge you not to follow Bea’s orders or you will find yourselves wishing Bea was all you had to worry about.)
I want levi to keep playing clash of clans on my account. I am close to max have spent a lot of time playing that game. Though you think its stupid, I ask you keep playing it for me when you can and let my fellow clan mates know what happened.My phones passcode is 111111, so that’s six 1’s….
 (This finally reveals that all of this article is written by Bea and Kodiak).  Only Bea would be worried about human guardsmen “haunting” the Twos.  We are trying  to help the Twos.  Do not harm Hera or any other human.  We will help you. Bea says “I am being monitored by authorities (“truly sorry” above) but I want you all to “keep playing clash of clans” which is how Bea views this attack on humans, as humans vs. aliens, as the colors versus “the trees” (Twos) and the Silver (Nines).  Those are Bea’s “fellow clan mates” and she wants them to continue to attack our family and probably all humans.  She wants the Twos and Greys reading this article to pass the word to their “fellow clan mates” and keep playing because Bea’s time limit of playing “that game” is “close to max.”  This means Bea is out of her allotted time playing “the Game” in this time loop.  Since Bea can do whatever she wants, this may mean that Earth itself is about to run into a time limit for keeping our time loop open. It is possible that our time loop (Earth) is preset to close, but we don’t know. Next,  Bea’s “phone passcode is 111111, so that’s six 1’s” is a message that there are Six Ones in the Traveler hierarchy that must be dealt with. David’s family, we are the Ones in the hierarchy.  But there are far more than six of us.  Some of us also are Sixes, and maybe she means that “the enemy” in her “Clash of Clans game” is primarily comprised of Sixes and Ones, which is the case. So she is telling the Twos and Greys to attack the Sixes and the Ones in the Traveler hierarchy.   A word to you Twos and Greys: we are Ones because we are the originators of all of the numbers.  All of them.  Do not attack anyone.  Even you are children of David, do not attack his family. We will help you but you will get no help if you attack David or his family, regardless of whatever duress you may be operating under.  There is no excuse for attacking David or his family.) 
Levi gets my car, it will need a oil change and breaks/tires done her shortly. (“Levi gets my car” means “Blue Jean Gets is my car,” which refers to “Little Bea,” who goes by “Jean” and pretends to be a Blue Seven.  Jean is a “Get” (a witch) and her human body is the “car” or “vehicle.”  So Bea is saying that she will be back down here and will “occupy” Jean (who also goes by Bea) while in her human body.  That is Bea’s “vehicle” for moving among us down here “in the past.” The “her shortly” in the sentence above is not a typo.  It looks like it is a typo where “her” should be “here” but it is not a typo.  “Her shortly” refers to Jean’s Human Seven body. Also, the “car” (Jean’s human vehicle) “will need a oil change and breaks/tires done” means, in code, that Jean will soon need a new human body to occupy (she is getting older), and that Bea prefers it to be a human Seven body.)
Please take care of old red. It will need cleaned out as well because I am a slob. (“Old Red” refers to Hera, who is presented to the Family as a “Four” in this time loop, and Four is color-coded Red to Travelers.  “Please take care of old red” then means to kill Hera. “It will need cleaned out as well” means that Bea wants the Twos to shred and consume Hera’s soul after they kill her. They call this “cleaning” and some Travelers might also view this as “coring the body and releasing the soul.”  Word to the Travelers, your souls, once released from your human body, go nowhere here, they are consumed by alien Twos and the Greys.  Do not volunteer to be killed.  You will not be floating like a butterfly for more than the time it takes to be out of view of other humans, at which time your soul will be consumed by evil aliens.  Do not volunteer for this.  We are sorry to bear such disturbing news to the Earth’s population, but it is the case.)
Thank you for being the best family in the world. (The “best family” means the “best” in the “Family,” which refers to Nines or Greys.)  I will watch over you all (Bea can watch Hera’s murder and the Earth’s detonation from the safety of “one mile over” in another time loop, (sang about here in Bea’s YES song Roundabout), and please take my last wishes into consideration. Do not do something I do no want. Just remember, I don’t want a military funeral like grandpas. (A military funeral would be one attended by the humans and authorities.  Who is grandpa? We’re not certain.)  It is my last wishes and last rights.
I am with the lord now. (Bea is telling her Two and Grey alien pals to kill Hera and then all the humans in this time loop by detonating the Earth, that she is leaving early because her time allotment down here is almost up, and that she will be upstairs with David, trying to find him to kill him upstairs, and then she will be back in the next time loop. Until then, Jean is in charge and she will be needing a new human body to “drive around in.”)
-Look, Im sorry every one for the choice I made. Its wrong and we all know it. 
(Bea is saying “every One of the family is “sorry,” which means all of David’s family, the Ones in the hierarchy, are guarded by the authorities.  She also says “Look, Im sorry every one” so she says in the case of all of us Ones, the authorities are “looking,” which is true.  As for the next sentence, “Its wrong and we all know it.”  I think Bea is saying that “It” (an individual) is wrong, and that everybody knows what “it” is like.  We all know “It” and “It” is wrong in this instance.  Who is “It”?   “It” means aliens or Greys in the usual coded vernacular.)
Below is the rest of the article.

November 13, 2015

Zac Easter texted his girlfriend shortly before 10 A.M.

“Can you call me when you get out of class? I’m in hot water right now and idk what to do”

He typed as he drove, weaving Old Red, his cherry red 2008 Mazda3, down the wide suburban boulevards of West Des Moines. He’d already been awake for hours, since well before sunrise. At 5:40 A.M., he texted Ali an apology: “Sorry about last night.” Then he started drinking. By now he was shitfaced and driving around the suburbs. She called as soon as she got out of class, and he was slurring his words. Ali was scared. She wanted him off the road. She talked him down and into a gas-station parking lot, and then he hung up.

“Do not leave,” she texted back at 11:27 A.M.


Ali Epperson was nearly 700 miles away, at her contract-law class at the Case Western Reserve University School of Law in Cleveland. In football terms, Zac had outkicked his coverage: Ali was an ex-cheerleader but no vacant princess.  She had a diamond stud in her left nostril and a knifing wit. They were a pair of scrappers whose jagged edges fit. (The above bolded terms refer to Bea (“left nostril” and “knifing wit”) – “Left” means alien, while “right” means human.  Bea is fixated on knives, and a “wit” is a “funnyman” or “clown” which is an evil “Get” in Traveler Talk.  “Jagged edges fit” also refers to Bea and her knife fixation, and “Fit” or “F it” means a “female it” in Traveler Talk (see the Thesaurus). A female is a witch or alien and an “it” is an alien.)  Zac loved Trump; he kept a copy of Trump: The Art of the Deal in his bedroom. Ali was a budding progressive: a first-year student at a good law school who’d interned at Senator Tom Harkin’s D.C. office. They were just friends in high school; she used to cut fourth-period music class to hang with Zac. (“She used to cut fourth period music” is code for “Bea has cut Hera’s (a Four) “movie” (meaning Hera’s life is over in this time loop).  Hera is a Four and also code-named the “Music” among other names (the Story, the Sun, the One, Mama, Mother.)

After they graduated, they became more than friends. (Graduation refers to killing everyone and closing this time loop.)  Sometimes he called her Winslow, her middle name, and only Winslow knew the full extent of Zac’s struggles in the five and a half years since high school: the brain tremors that felt like thunderclaps inside his skull, the sudden memory lapses in which he’d forget where he was driving or why he was walking around thehardware store, the doctors who told him his mind might be torn to pieces from all the concussions from football.She knew about the drugs and the drinking he was doing to cope. She knew about the mood swings, huge and pulverizing, the slow leaching of his hope. (“Winslow” is a coded reference to the State of Arizona, where Jean lives (aka “Little Bea”) but “winslow” also can mean “win slow” or “wins low” both of which would mean human. “Win” is human while “lose” is alien.  “Slow” is human while “Fast” is alien. All of the bolded description of brain tremors and memory lapses, being drugged, refers to the torture Bea inflicts, on Hera but also on all of David’s family members, and many other humans and Others and Neighbors here to help the humans as well. Bea’s most common tortures are evident in the Pizzagate documents, particularly the emails taken from the Podesta.com server and posted by Wikileaks.  We also talk about Bea’s involvement in Pizzagate (she is Marina Abramovic) around the blog.  And describe what she is doing to us presently here.  She also does this stuff to Kodiak, who is Jean’s husband, and has been doing this to him for hundreds of years. She has fried his mind with electric shocks and directed energy attacks to force him to bend to her will.  In this way she has Kodiak to join her in her hideous attacks (he occupies “Jimmy Comet” for example).  They both probably also are John and Mary Podesta).)

Back to the article:

“I’m not leaving,” he texted back.


He pulled into a Jimmy John’s (this refers to JJ, aka Jim J. Cramer (aka David) and it is put there to let David know that the following words are a message to Hera and David), and ate something to sober up, sending Ali Snapchats every so often to prove he wasn’t driving. (This is Kodiak saying he wasn’t part of the New Year’s Day murders in Huntington Beach.  He was not “driving” the human “husband” who killed those women.  Probably Bea (aka Psyche) was “driving” the male human, in that case.)

Then, a couple of hours later, he texted her again:



(The foregoing text exchange is a coded message from Kodiak, apologizing to Hera for dragging her into this hostage situation.  Kodiak has apologized for this before.  In short Kodiak thinks Hera is not the same person as Hera who was abducted from outside (David’s wife).  This seems very unlikely and certainly is irrelevant to who our Hera is now, speaking to you on this blog.  But obviously Hera was abducted to “Earth” by Bea and her soul was blasted apart, which means that she may also exist in other iterations of Hera here or in other time loops. There are so many lies from our captors that we don’t know what to believe, if anything, of what they tell us.)

(Look below at the quoted Facebook status update, ending in “Party on Wayne,” which seems to be a reference to Wayne’s World, an old movie that is unlikely to have been so familiar to a young person today that he quotes it.  Set the “Wayne” aside as subterfuge and notice that the note says “party on” which is a reference to our previous blog post about Bea and Kodiak murdering two women in Huntington Beach, CA on New Years Day, just a few days ago, and just a few miles away.  We say in that post that these two vicious “beings” don’t care if their “human vehicles” get caught killing, because they just jump into other humans and “party on.”)

Zac Easter went inside his parents’ house, past the five mounted deer heads on the living room wall, past the Muhammad Ali poster at the top of the stairs (“Impossible Is Nothing”), and into his room: Green Bay Packers gear, bodybuilding supplements, military books bursting from the shelves, a T-shirt he got from his high school football coach with the words BIG HAMMER.

His laptop was open to a 39-page document titled “Concussions: My Silent Struggle.” “MY LAST WISHES,” it began. He’d created the document five months ago, and the final revision was made today.

Zac Easter grabbed some ammunition, packed up the .40-caliber pistol he’d given his dad as a Father’s Day gift, and drove a few miles down the road to Lake Ahquabi State Park. It was a place where he’d gone swimming throughout his childhood; he and Ali liked to go there and lie on the beach and look at the clouds. “Ahquabi” is from an ancient Algonquian language. It means “resting place.”

Around sunset, Zac took a picture of the lake, then he posted a status update on Facebook:

Dear friends and family,

If your reading this than God bless the times we’ve had together. Please forgive me. I’m taking the selfish road out. Only God understands what I’ve been through. No good times will be forgotten and I will always watch over you. Please if anything remember me by the person I am not by my actions. I will always watch over you! Please, please, don’t take the easy way out like me. Fist pumps for Jesus and fist pumps for me. Party on wayne!!;)


Growing up, his nickname was Hoad. On Saturday mornings, the three Easter boys—Myles Jr. was the eldest, then Zac, then Levi—would crowd around the TV to watch Garfield and Friends. Odie was the mutt—impossibly energetic, tongue wagging, ears flopping. Friends with everyone. That was Zac. “Zac never stopped running. Everything he did was at full charge,” says his mother, Brenda. Over time the name evolved, the way nicknames do—Odie morphing into Hodie, Hodie shrinking to Hoad.


He was a sweet, curious kid, and seemingly programmed to destroy. He went through four of those unbreakable steel Tonka dump trucks—broke the first three and disassembled the fourth, trying to figure out how it worked. He was 7. One winter, the family couldn’t figure out why the lightbulbs on the Christmas tree kept bursting. (This is a reference to David’s family.  They call David “Christ” and the “lightbulbs” on David’s “family tree” (“Christmas Tree”) means David’s children and wife. Bea does keep destroying us with hammers. Our bodies, and our souls, which she tortures and destroys with hammers.)  Faulty wiring? It turned out Zac was taking swings at the bulbs with a baseball bat. As he got older, the blast radius got bigger. He was Tom Sawyer reborn: unleashed, unbound midwestern middle-class American boy.  The Easter family’s acreage was off a dirt road, surrounded by cornfields, just east of where The Bridges of Madison County was filmed, and Zac and his brothers would go on hikes to the creek, bringing along an artillery of Black Cat fireworks to blow up minnows and bullfrogs.  (The Nines and “Gets” in the family are called “Black Cats” and above we deciphered Bea’s request to “detonate” this Earth time loop.  Earlier in the blog we mention that the humans down here are called “fish” by the evil Illuminati upstairs.  Preying upon humans down here they call “going fishin’.”)

As a teenager he graduated to the family’s Honda Recon ATV, his first taste of real adrenaline and real recklessness. He’d fly through the woods, build jumps and hurdle over them. “GODDAMMIT!” his dad, Myles Sr., would yell from the porch as he shot by.


Zac was fearless, certain of his invincibility, confident he could push his limits to the very edge yet always stay in control. He was perfect for the one thing that mattered most in the Easter family: football.


When Myles Easter Sr. talks about his own football career, there’s a joyful worship of the sport’s violent side: “I just wanted to knock the fuck out of somebody.” He was a safety at Drake University, a small school in Des Moines. He and Brenda got together in 1982, soon after his football career ended, and they married two years later, which meant she was now married to football, too. Before Zac was born, Myles took a job as defensive coordinator at Simpson College, a Division III school in Indianola, Iowa, a town of 11,000 known for an annual hot-air-balloon festival. (This is a veiled reference to the Travelers annual “Gathering” where humans are murdered and their souls “released” to rise up to, they must think, the Heavens.  That is not what happens to those souls. Often the soul rising after the body is killed is depicted by Travelers as balloons or lanterns rising to the sky. Additionally, the writer refers to “a town of 11,000 known for an annual hot-air-balloon festival” – a town of 11,000 can be read as 1 + 1 + 0 + 0 + 0 = 2. Often numbers are intended to be added together.  So a “town of 2” known for the annual balloon festival would be, again, Big Sur.  Big Sur is a town where the Family Twos congregate, and the “annual balloon festival” refers to the Traveler’s annual “Gathering” which is located on the Pacific Coast Highway about 20 miles south of Big Sur (there’s a small turn off road hidden in the cliffs).)

He never made his boys play football—it was more like it was just assumed. “I loved football,” he says. “I was getting to the point where I loved it more than the kids did back in high school.” Not that the boys didn’t love it, too. They’d come to practice every day and hang off to the side with the kickers. On Saturday afternoons in the fall, they’d sneak up to the overhead track at Simpson College’s century-old gym and listen to their dad’s halftime pep talks.

(This may be about football, but also may be about the perpetual game of tag played by Family members.  Hera is always tagged as a victim to be pursued, raped and murdered, but there also are other women and men tagged as “players” in these games.  We are told they volunteer, under the misguided assumption that they will “win” eternal life if they are dubbed the “winner” in these Traveler Games, and if they allow the other “players” to kill them at the Traveler’s “annual balloon festival” called “the Gathering.”  This is all a horrible lie!  You do not win anything but a horrible death.  Your body is tortured and destroyed, and your soul is consumed by Grey aliens as soon as it passes out of view of the humans below!  Do not volunteer for these games.  And please do not continue to signal to Hera that she must leave whenever you encounter her.  Stop threatening her. Stop shaking keys at her.  She has the ultimate keyring, and she is trying to help all of you here, who are unwitting hostages of the Greys.  Stop threatening her.  Stop harming “witches” who often are only the people who came here to help you.  Bea designates them as “witches” so that people outside of Earth trying to help look down here and see humans chasing and torturing and killing the very people who come in here to help you. That way, Bea supposes, they will lose interest in trying to help you with this Grey occupation.  Why help people who all appear to be evil and kill you as you try to help?  You must stop playing these “Games.” You have no idea what you really are doing, and why.  They are nothing but a lie, a source of amusement for the Greys.  Bea and Kodiak ultimately are in charge of every one of the Family tribes.  Bea is a Seven and a Nine.  She is a Grey alien posing as a human boss.  Kodiak is a Six – green (hence the “Green Bay Packers” jersey prized by Easter in this b.s. “Story” on “football concussions”) and also is a Six – brown (alien). Kodiak’s also a Four human (“cherry red”) and a Four alien (rust red).  He poses as a Three when convenient for him too.  He also poses as a Seven when it suits him. Kodiak is Icarus, aka Ick.  Wake up now and realize you all are buying into a huge, massive fantasy created by Bea.  There is no “magic” here. This is not hell. The Gets and Bea are powered by advanced Grey technology, not witchcraft.  Stop harming each other for their entertainment.  You get no benefit from doing it. By the way even the Parents and the Gets only recently learned that the Family President is in fact BEA, a Grey alien, and that all the “magic” here is accomplished with advanced Grey technology, including the ability to travel in time and to change things in history with their “time machine.”)  Back to the article:


The Easters were a Minnesota Vikings family (Family Sevens), but early on Zac defected and chose the Green Bay Packers (Family Sixes). Zac loved Brett Favre—he had the same swagger. Zac’s elder brother, Myles Jr., was taller, faster, talented enough to earn a college football scholarship and a spot in his high school’s sports hall of fame. Zac was shorter and slower, but he was the toughest son of a bitch on the field. “He was out there to fuck people up,” says Myles Jr. “He was there to do some damage.” He had a lot to live up to, and he wasn’t born with what he needed, so in high school he secretly began taking prohormones, a steroid-like supplement banned in many sports.


It worked. “Zac was a thumper,” his father says, standing in the family kitchen. (Letting the reader know this is a “Family” story.  And the “Family Kitchen” means that the story is “Family Food,” which means it is a story meant for “FAMILY consumption.”)  “Of all the boys, he was the one who wouldn’t show pain, who’d be fearless.… He’d throw his head into anything. He was the kind of guy I like on defense.”


Myles Sr. pauses, takes a heavy breath, and shrugs. On the mantel behind him is a picture of Zac sitting in the back of a pickup, cradling the ten-point buck. When he speaks again, his voice is a stew of pride and guilt: “He was my type of guy.”

From “Concussions: My Silent Struggle”


I started playing youth football a year early in 3rd grade because my older brother was on the team and my dad was the coach. I started off playing the two positions that I played throughout my career, linebacker and full back. I remember being one of the hardest hitting linebackers ever since I started. You could even go back and ask some of the old players on the 49ers if you don’t believe me because I’m sure they only remember me leading with my head. I even remember Austin Shrek’s dad offering to buy him a PS2 if Austin would learn to hit as hard as me on game days…. (“Austin Shrek” is a code name as well.  Austin refers to Texas, which is code for Kodiak, and Shrek is an ogre, so this name refers to Kodiak, the ogre from Texas. Kodiak is Bea’s “eternal husband.”  He is Icarus, and he is a Three, Four, Six and Seven.)

I learned around this age that if I used my head as a weapon and literally put my head down on every play up until the last play I ever played. I was always shorter than a lot of other players and learned to put my head down so I could have the edge and win every battle. Not only that, but I liked the attention I got from the coaches and other players. I can look back and remember getting headaches during practice. Of course by now, I had gained the reputation from my coaches and classmates about being a tough nosed kid and a hard hitter so I took this social identity with pride and never wanted to tell anyone about the headaches I got from practices and games. In 6th grade, I really became a road grater as a fullback and running back. I was short and chubby, but I would try to run over the linebacker’s every time I got the ball. I’m sure my parents still have the game tapes to prove it….

I won’t lie I look back now and always felt like I had something to prove to my dad and trying to fill my older brothers football shoes…. I was tired of teachers and even Principal Monroe comparing me to my brother and asking me why I wasn’t as good of a student as my older brother. I guess I got to the point then where I just didn’t care and realized the only way to fill adequate to fill the Easter family shoes was to play football…. There was also the “Easter Mentality” stereo type that I had to live up to. This “Easter Mentality” is the name that all the other coaches and kids in sports called us because the Easter family was such a tough nosed football family and the reputation was that football was our lives and we would play through any pain. My dad was an intimidating hard ass football coach and the Easter mentality meant that we were supposed to always be tough as nails, show no weakness, and never get taken out of game for being hurt.... (this accurately describes the Sevens in the Family, although “tough as nails” refers to Nines in the Family, as Nines are called “nails” among other things (see the Family Thesaurus).)  More article….

I’ve never really felt good enough for him. I know the remarks he will say. Im sure he loves me but he’s always had a hard time showing it. I feel like all my concussions were for him in the first place because I just wanted to impress him and feel tough. (This bit of the story is written by Kodiak and he is saying that the “feel tough” which refers to Nines (“f eel” which means “female eel” which means Family Nines), Kodiak is saying the female eels (Nines or Grey aliens) are responsible for his “concussions” which refers to the Greys shocking his mind (and ours) and also beating on his brain (and ours) with hammers.  The Greys, including Bea, are utterly vicious and insane, just as abductees have reported in the past, but have been ridiculed for in verbal attacks, organized by Bea to discredit the reports of “alien abductions.”)  I regret all that now and wish I never even played sports. (Kodiak seems to be saying he regrets the things he’s done while being tortured and mind-controlled by Bea, and that this continuous torture has taken a toll on him and caused him to lash out at others.)

Zac’s football career ended in October of his senior year. The team at Indianola High School was a perfect fit for Zac: They were always smaller, always scrappier, and always played like the chips were stacked against them. Indianola had the lowest enrollment in a conference filled with schools from Des Moines’s suburbs, but they took pride in not playing like it. When their head coach, Eric Kluver, had arrived years before, he quickly realized there was a gem in his own backyard: Myles Easter Sr., a veteran college coach who had three sons coming up in the Indianola youth football system and was eager to help. Myles was tough. So were his players. Kluver hired him.


At first Kluver tried to innovate with a speedy spread offense, but he quickly realized that wouldn’t fly here; he simply couldn’t get the type of athletes to make it work. So instead he went old-school: a smashmouth I-formation offense. Pound the ball and wear out bigger, faster, stronger—but softer—teams. It was catnip to Iowa country boys like Myles Easter Sr. Soon, things began to change for Indianola. Local fans would come to games just to watch the special teams tee off on opponents during kick returns. Kluver handed out a big hammer T-shirt for the most crushing hit in that week’s game; Zac earned one his junior year and another his senior year. The Easter Mentality had become the Indianola football mentality.


By his senior year, Zac had become an anchor of the team’s defense. On this chilly Friday night, the seventh game of the 2009 season, Zac was taking the field for the first time in a month. A concussion had knocked him out in the season’s fourth game, but Zac was determined to be back for the game against league rival Ankeny High School. Ankeny was much bigger than Zac’s school, one of the largest in the state, more affluent, and most obnoxiously, they were good. “We just thought they were kind of rich pricks,” says Nick Haworth, Zac’s best friend since preschool and an offensive lineman on the team. (“Nick Haworth” also is a code name: “Nick” means “nickel” which means Grey alien (a Nine) and “Ha” is code for a “Get” or evil witch in Traveler Code.  Ha, funny, wit, clown, laughing… all of these refer to a Get. “Worth” is broken down as “W (which means “women” which means alien while males are humans in the Code vernacular; “or means alien.  “Or” also means alien.  So Nick Haworth means “Alien (Nick) Get (Ha) Alien (worth).)


Zac was fired up. Indianola’s athletic trainer, Sue Wilson, was not. She’d been hired in 2005, and her focus was concussions; this was the same year that Bennet Omalu, a neuropathologist in Pittsburgh who studied the brain of deceased Pittsburgh Steelers star Mike Webster, had published his groundbreaking paper “Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy in a National Football League Player.” Even now, in 2009, she was a mostly unwelcome presence on the sidelines. Parents yelled at her when she took away their sons’ helmets in the middle of a game; they wanted them to play. So did the coaches.

One psychologist even told Zac that he would—not could, would—end up penniless, homeless, and in a mental institution.

On this Friday night, Wilson was already focused on Zac. He’d always played through pain. He’d already suffered two concussions in as many months: one in August, before games started, during a tackling drill at a full-contact football camp, and then another during a game in early September—the one that sidelined him for a month. By now, Myles Sr. had grown concerned enough about the repeated head injuries that he’d ordered a special Xenith helmet. The helmet was supposed to reduce the risk of concussion, but it kept falling off Zac’s head during games. He was also wearing a cowboy collar to protect his neck. He was armored up, like a soldier heading into battle.


Prior to the game, Zac had passed Wilson’s concussion protocol, but if she’d known what was really going on inside his brain, there’s no way she would have let him near the field. After the concussion during the game in September, a teammate told Zac that he was looking at him cross-eyed. Later that night, he would write in his journal, “I saw a doctor and lied about all my concussion symptoms.”


Of course he lied. It was his senior year. He wanted to play.


(Look at the just above image from the GQ story. The football jerseys are numbered 44 (a repeat of the same number “4”; and 57 and 75, which are opposites of each other, or mirror images, which is an Illuminati “calling card” or “tell” to let the Illuminati “players” know that this story is written by one of their own and probably has messages for them. The number “4” also is an opposite of itself (4’s opposite is also 4), so jersey number 44 has two opposing fours, and the others, 57 and 75, also are both opposites of one another, or “mirror images” of each other.  Taylor Swift’s video image at the top of this blog entry does the very same thing with those football jerseys, signifying Illuminati “players” from “upstairs.” Also now look at the image above this one here. In the image above the one directly above, the player in the “44” jersey is on the field, with 4 and 4 being opposites of each other, while on the sidelines is a 20 and a 40 cut in half, which also would be 20.  This is read as 44 and 20 + 20, (which is added together as 2 + 2), all of which adds up then to 44 and 4, or 444, a veiled reference to 666, the Satanic Illuminati number. Any number or word repeated three times in a song or movie is a reference to 666 to let the Illuminati “players” from “upstairs” know that the movie or song has a message in it for those people. 666 or coded repeats of three-in-a-row are found in many many of their messages and “handiwork,” including for example, the Boston Marathon staged bombings occurring at the finish line, at 666 Boyleston St., which we’ll try to address in detail later, and also, for example, in Taylor Swift’s Blank Space video showing three rottweilers.) Back to the article.  There’r a lot more coded words in this story but it is a lot of work to decipher it all and convey it to you in a way you can follow.

From “Concussions: My Silent Struggle”

The truth was I had severe headaches every day and constantly felt sick or dizzy, but the tough guy in me told them I was still totally fine. I remember leaving some of my classes because I would be feeling sick and sitting there soaking myself in sweat. Around this time is when I started feeling depressed. I felt ashamed that I was hurt and had to sit out….
I finally got to play in the next game against Ankeny…. Even my friends noticed that week that I wasn’t as willing to hit as hard and I would actually shy away from contact. During the Ankeny game I remember the first play of the game is when I got my bell seriously rung…. I went head to head with the running back at full speed on the first play during a quarter back rollout to try and run him over. I could of ripped through the running back and made a sack, instead I wanted to punish this running back on the first play and get inside his head. Instead he got inside of mine, I never pulled myself out of the game though and Chia told me that during halftime he remembered me trying to take a knee in the locker room and I fell over because I was so disorientated and I couldn’t get back up without a friend helping. Of course I told him I was fine and showed no weakness.
It wasn’t long during the 3rd quarter when my helmet came off during a play and I guess I hit a guy without a helmet on, head to head. The next play I shit canned a pulling guard and that’s about all I remember. From what I was told I could barely get up and wasn’t able to walk off the field on my own.

It happened away from the ball, so the collision that ended Zac Easter’s football career can’t be seen on the game tape. But on a third-quarter drive, you can tell that No. 44 is suddenly missing from Indianola’s defense. And later in the game, at the bottom of the screen, Zac can be seen on the sidelines, arguing heatedly with someone: Wilson, the trainer. She is clutching his helmet. He wants to go back in. No way, she says.
What happened in the moments just after Zac’s final play remains burned into Wilson’s memory:  Two teammates pulled a player off the ground and dragged him toward her. She couldn’t tell who it was until she saw the jersey number, 44, and her heart dropped into her stomach. Zac’s feet were barely under him.
“Sue, he’s not right,” one teammate told her.
“I looked at him, and he looked at me, and he just didn’t say a word,” Wilson says now. “I took his helmet. And he just put his head down. He started crying on the bench. I walked away to give him his space. I came back and asked him if there’s anything I could do. He just said, ‘No. I just don’t feel good.’ I said, ‘Are you going to get sick?’ He said, ‘I don’t know.’ ”
She kept an eye on him the rest of the game. He could still speak. He could still stick his tongue out. He wasn’t vomiting. His head was pounding, but he didn’t seem to be in need of urgent medical attention. In the locker room after the game, Haworth says, Zac’s blue eyes had drifted into a haze—“a thousand-yard stare.”
Wilson ordered Zac to rest for the next week. No football, no exercise, nothing. But Zac ignored her. By this point, he’d figured out that exercise was the only way to ease the pounding in his brain, so he’d run on a treadmill—sometimes an hour, sometimes two. He knew his football career was over. No one had told him yet, but he knew it. Still, he needed to stay in shape for wrestling season.
About a month later, though, he was still exhibiting symptoms. When he saw Wilson to get cleared for wrestling, she wouldn’t sign off. “I’ll never forget the look in Zac’s eyes when I told him he wasn’t going to wrestle his senior year,” she says now. “I think his exact words were ‘Fuck you.’ ”

From there, he laid it all out: He was quitting his job because he needed to focus on his health. He was often tired and dizzy and nauseated. During college he used to set his alarm for 3:30 A.M. to work out and run for hours; now he would go for a jog, feel sick, and only make it 1.4 miles in 20 minutes. He got headaches all the time. Sometimes while driving, he’d go into these trances; he’d snap out of it when he drove his car into a curb. (These numbers above have meaning and are part of the message.  We aren’t sure, but we do know that when Bea and her Grey alien army have attacked the Earth in the past, they plan it to occur beginning around 3 am and by “25 or 6 to 4” (Chicago’s song), or “24 before 4 am,” (as in YES’s song Roundabout) they blow up the entire Earth and kill every being in the target time loop. So these numbers above seem to be a warning, or an “alarm” as said above – an “alarm for 3:30 A.M.” possibly letting the “players” down here from upstairs to brace for an attack on Earth here that would last about “20 minutes.” We are unsure of the significance of “1.4 miles.”)

Panic attacks came without warning. (Decoded: The attackers will come without warning.)  He had started writing down a long list of questions for his doctor; one of them was “Do you think I’m showing signs of CTE or dementia?”  In fact, he already knew the answer to that one. He had just visited a doctor who specialized in concussions and who told him that, yes, he very well might have CTE. He had started seeing a speech pathologist to help him manage his cognitive struggles and improve his memory, attention span, language-processing abilities, and problem-solving skills.

His parents were stunned. They knew some things were off. Sometimes on the phone it sounded like Zac was talking with marbles in his mouth. And they’d noticed that his bank account was suddenly hemorrhaging money. But mostly they just assumed their son was a young man grappling with adulthood and independence.


But now he was telling them that he might have a mysterious brain disease that afflicted NFL players, haunting them for decades after their careers had ended. One psychologist even told Zac that he would—not could, would—end up penniless, homeless, and in a mental institution. Zac had walked out of that guy’s office terrified.


Myles Easter Sr. had seen the news reports of ex-NFL stars whose lives unraveled post-retirement and ended in suicide. Mike Webster, Andre Waters, Dave Duerson, Junior Seau—the Sunday gladiators who once were the apotheosis of all that he worshipped about the game of football. But Myles never really believed the disease existed. To be honest, even the mention of it kind of disgusted him. CTE was an excuse, he had always thought: a bunch of millionaire athletes who had it made, blew through all their money, fell out of the limelight, got depressed, then killed themselves. But now, hearing his own son—still just a kid, no jaded pro, someone who had never played a day of football above the high school level—say that he might have CTE?

“It just caught me so off guard,” Myles Sr. says. “I was honestly dumbfounded.”

The dinner table went quiet. Then Brenda, Zac’s mom, broke the silence.

“Well,” she said, “let’s fix it.”

Zac Easter’s Journal

June 2015

Even with two 30 mg Adderall in me about another 10 mgs I poored out and snorted, I still got lost all around Menards and the dollar store.… IDK what it was but I felt like I kept walking all around the store and passed what I was looking for several times. I straight up felt confused on what I was looking and kept forgetting even right after I looked at my list.… I only went for like 3 things to. I guess [my speech pathologist] is right, I only have about a 3 minute memory after that I’m fucked. I even took three wrong turns on the way home. Shit happens I guess. (Obviously this is Code.  Three threes is shorthand for 666, which the Illuminati throw around to signal each other. They are Satanic. )  

July 2015

I wish I could put a finger on what is wrong with me. Its either from the concussions or Im just bat shit crazy. (“Bat shit crazy” is a term Hera uses to describe Bea.  The Nines or witches are code-termed “Bats” and aliens are code-termed “shit” as “She It” which means “she” or “female” as Code for a witch, and “it” is code for an alien.  So Bat Shit Crazy refers to a witch who is a Nine alien, and that is Bea.)  Im tired of feeling emotionless or too many emotions. Im trying to find a new hobby but nothing really quite makes me want to do it. Tomorrow I meet w/ Spooner [the concussion specialist] about everything to me, theres just NO way those concussions didn’t change me. I think I might just donate my brain and let them figure it out. (I think Kodiak here is saying he’ll just kill himself downstairs here and thereby wake himself up in the future “Upstairs” from us, and leave those of us stuck here to figure out what to do about this planned “alien attack.”)

August 2015

I still havent been working or looking for work. I got put on Zoloft and my new psychiatrist seems to know his meds. I’m still fighting the side effects. Sleep has been dismal and I’ve still been going to speech therapy and PT. It sounds like they really arent on my side anymore and they want me to be focusing on my mood disorder. I cant really blame them. I have been fucked up with depression the past few weeks. I’ve been going out more but using more drugs. Smoked pot a few times, rolled on Molly and now I got some coke. All that plus Adderall fuck it! Its the only way I feel normal.  (Hera is code-named “Molly” among other names. “Rolled” of course means to kill someone.  So this refers to killing Hera.  “Now I got some coke” refers to Fours, who are color-coded as Red, like the red found on a Coke can.  So Kodiak or “the writer” of this story killed or will kill Hera (“rolled a Molly) and by doing so acquired or will acquire Hera’s soul, which Bea depicts as belonging to the Four Human family, color-coded as Coke can-colored Red.)

September 2015

Im scared if I can’t get help or feel better I may want to just end it all. As in suicide. Im just so tired of feeling so shitty and anxious. I had a job interview, two of them and its hard for me to not have panic attacks. It seems like I still cant get over my anxiety. IDK lifes just a bitch. Im try to forget about that fact that Im mentally ill and that I might have a traumatic brain disorder. I plan on going home tonight so hopefully I’ll be able to talk to my rents a little more. I might even move home next month if I cant get some income coming in.…

I just got my Adderall script and started snorting it right away! Im going to try and leave it home when I go home so I don’t use it all. Physically my heart rate is still always nuts whether I’m Adderall or not. I’m trying to work out but its just getting harder each day.

Friday, November 13, 2015. 1:34 P.M.

Text exchange between Zac and Ali.
Friday, November 13, 2015. 5:30 P.M.

Zac Easter stood on the dock leading out onto Lake Ahquabi, pistol in hand, ignoring the calls that had started pouring into his cell phone a few minutes after his Facebook post. Instead, he opened Snapchat and posted a photo of the lake: “God bless America,” he typed.
The third time Ali called, he picked up. She heard terror in his voice. “I can’t do this,” he told her. “It’s never going to get better.”
A friend recognized the lake from the Snapchat photo. Deputies from the county sheriff’s department rushed to the state park while Ali tried to keep Zac on the phone. “Listen to the sound of my voice,” she told him.
“I’m losing my mind,” he replied. “This is it for me.”
Then a pause, a shift in tone: “Ali, did you send these cops here?”
His phone died. Ali sent him a frantic text at 6:12 P.M.: Baby its my Winslow jist talk to me. I need to know you’re okay.
Out on the dock, Zac pointed the gun at the sky and fired: a warning shot to tell the police to keep away.


Zac’s girlfriend, Ali, was the only person he trusted with the truth of his struggles.

Zac’s father, alerted by friends, sped his pickup truck into the park, down the hill toward the lake. The first sheriff’s deputy he saw recognized him. More squad cars raced into the parking lot. Another deputy—a former all-conference linebacker for Easter Sr. a few years back—pointed an assault rifle at his son. Lasers from police rifles danced on Zac’s body. It was past dark and getting cold. Myles Sr. peered inside Zac’s car. He saw an empty six-pack of Coors Light, an empty bottle of Captain Morgan, and a pill bottle.

Floodlights illuminated Zac. The sun had set on the far side of the lake, dropping a black curtain on the water behind him. He stood up from a picnic table and walked wordlessly down the pier toward a wooden fishing hut at its edge. A few more steps and he’d be inside, alone on the water, out of sight.


“Put your gun down!” the deputies shouted.

“Nope!” Zac yelled with an anguished laugh. “Not gonna do that!”

His father realized with a flash: Zac wants the police to shoot him. I can’t let this happen. He sprinted down the wooden pier. “Zac!” he shouted.

If he shoots me, he thought, he shoots me.

“Dad, stop!”

“Nope, I’m coming. Put your gun down.”

Zac laid the gun down, then disappeared inside the hut.

Seconds later his father reached the door. Inside, he saw a sad, sick look on his son’s face. His vibrant boy was gone. Zac looked worn-out. Beaten.

“Dad, I’m in trouble,” Zac said quietly.

Myles Easter Sr. spoke gently to his son. “I don’t know what’s going on, but we’ll get this figured out. But we gotta get through this part right now. We’re in deep shit. We can’t make it any worse.”

Back on land, the deputies surrounded Zac and eased his wrists into handcuffs. They put him in the back of an ambulance, drove him to Des Moines, and checked him into Iowa Lutheran Hospital.


Seven hundred miles away in Cleveland, Ali was still in limbo, panicked, convinced Zac had hurt himself. Before he hung up the phone, his voice had gone flat. For 62 minutes, she had no idea if he was dead or alive.


Finally, a text popped up on her phone. Zac’s elder brother: “They got him.”



December 5, 2015

They took all the guns out of the house. They took all the alcohol out of the house. They were constantly on edge. Myles Sr. and Brenda encouraged Zac to go to his therapy appointments, and he would—but then he’d sit in the parking lot and have a panic attack and never leave his car. He went to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, but then he’d wake up in the middle of the night after a bad dream and start drinking from a whiskey bottle he’d hidden in his room.


Something had shifted inside of him. No longer did he worry that he might be going crazy; now he was certain of it. Fatalism swept over him. He told his mother he’d made a bucket list: Things to Do Before CTE Takes Away My Mind. Travel overseas. Camp in the timber in winter. Hike across the country, or at least through Colorado. Go rattlesnake hunting on the family’s land.


On the sixth anniversary of the day Zac bagged his ten-point buck, Myles Sr. decided to take his son hunting. Perhaps they could recapture some of the tranquillity of those days. They got up before sunrise, ate bacon and eggs, and got in the truck.

It’s a 40-minute drive from their house to the family’s timber, a good time to talk. They sipped coffee. Myles told his son that he was proud of him, that Zac was smart and talented and successful. He said they would fight through this as a family. “I’m sorry about the concussions from football,” he told his son. “I didn’t understand it earlier.” Zac didn’t want his dad feeling guilty. He told him that he loved football. He told him he even missed football.


They got out of the truck. Zac watched his dad pull the shotguns out from behind the seat, where he’d stashed them away. Myles Jr. met them and they hiked into the woods. From the tree stand Myles Sr. was heartened by the sight of his boys together, walking down the hill, laughing. Today, at least, Zac seemed like his old self. “I thought maybe we were getting better,” Myles Sr. says.


They hunted till after sunset. On the ride back home, Myles Sr. picked up a six-pack of Coors Light tallboys for them to split. Zac’s mom wouldn’t have liked this—alcohol, she knew, only made his problems worse—but hell, Myles just wanted things to go back to the way they used to be with his son. As they rumbled home on the gravel country roads, Zac turned to his father. “This was one of the best days I’ve had,” he said.


They fell asleep next to each other in the living room, watching Iowa play Michigan State in the Big Ten championship game. It was a tough, ugly defensive battle, the exact kind of football game they loved.

Zac’s ten-point buck.

December 7, 2015

Brenda Easter came home to find Zac’s car gone from the driveway. She called Ali, catching her in the middle of an exam, and Ali texted Zac.


He told her he’d been feeling cooped up at his parents’ house, thinking about losing his mind, and he needed to get away. So a few hours earlier he’d gotten in the car and just started driving. He was headed for Oklahoma, then turned around and started making his way back; after a wrong turn he wound up in Kansas City and got a hotel room for the night. He joked to Ali that he was going to hit a strip club, but all he did was sit in his hotel room and order pizza. The next morning, he made the three-hour drive back home.

Friday, December 18, 2015. 8 P.M.

Myles Sr. was in the upstairs bathroom, covered in blood. He’d taken their two dogs hunting in the woods behind the house, and Tito, the fat white rat terrier, had killed a possum. Tito was squirming in the tub when Zac walked in. He’d just gotten a haircut for family pictures the next day.

“Boy, you sure look good,” his dad said, grinning.

“You’re in deep shit if Mom sees that,” Zac said, looking at the blood-soaked dog. Myles asked him for a hand, so Zac held the dog in place while he finished washing off the blood. Then Zac disappeared into his bedroom. Ali was home for winter break and she’d invited him out with friends that night, but Zac declined. He was feeling down and didn’t want to be around people. Myles turned the dog loose, then went downstairs and fell asleep on the couch.


Five weeks had passed since Zac’s suicide attempt. Next week—the day after Christmas—Zac was heading to California for a facility that treated both alcohol addiction and mental illness. But Zac wasn’t sure he wanted to go. He didn’t see the point.

Saturday, December 19, 2015. 12:24 A.M.

Ali was still out with her friends at a bar in downtown Des Moines when a text arrived from Zac.


“Thank you for everything,” he wrote. “You’ve helped me through so much and never ever blame yourself for anything. I love you and will always be over your shoulder looking after you no matter what. Always keep having fun. Always remember me. Always keep striving for greatness or shall I say first female president. Never quit fighting for what you believe for 😉 I love you Winslow”


Ali wrote back immediately: “I love you, too babe but that sounds so past tense and is making me worried. I don’t want you to talk that way.… Are you okay. Please be honest. I can call you”

No reply. She called him, but he didn’t answer. Called again. No answer.

“Seriously zac,” she texted. “I’m worried now. I know you’re having an off day but it will be okay—I know you have the fight in you, Please talk to me”

No reply.

“Zac. Please talk to me”

Back at the house, Myles Sr.’s ringing phone woke him up. It was his eldest son, asking if Zac was upstairs. Myles Sr. went up to Zac’s room, but it was empty. He noticed a frayed piece of notebook paper on Zac’s bed and went back downstairs to get his glasses.

Ali texted Zac again: “Baby. It’s winslow. Please think of me please talk to me. I believe in you. I know you’re upset but please talk to me”

No reply.

“I need you to text me back”


Myles Easter put on his glasses and read what his son had scrawled on the sheet of paper.

“Please!” it began. “Look on my computer and print off my story and last wishes to everyone. PLEASE FULLFILL MY last wishes! My comp pass zacman (all lowercase)”

The 20-gauge shotgun that Myles had given Zac for his 12th birthday was missing from the backseat of his truck. One hollow-point 20-gauge Winchester slug was missing from Myles’s ammunition cache in the basement. Brenda’s keys weren’t in the kitchen, and her car wasn’t in the driveway.


By the time Myles got to Lake Ahquabi, a patrol car was already there. “I’m sorry,” the deputy told him. His son’s body was in the parking lot, the 20-gauge slug torn through his chest.

Football was—and still is, even now—a cornerstone of the Easters’ family identity.

Four Days Later

Eric Kluver stood over his former player’s casket at the cavernous Catholic church in Indianola. Kluver loved all his players, but this wasn’t just one of his players. This was Zac Easter. His top assistant’s son. Every summer, Kluver picks hardworking students in need of extra cash to help him with his landscaping business. Two summers in a row, Kluver picked Zac. It wasn’t even that long ago. Now Zac was in a casket.


Is this my fault? Kluver kept wondering. He and his staff had always taught Zac proper tackling technique, of course…but they never discouraged his aggression. If anything, they’d encouraged it. Zac was the model—the type of hard-nosed player every football coach dreams of. And yet Kluver knew that football had played a role in Zac’s destruction. Football, and football culture.


When Kluver played high school football, one of his best friends suffered a brain injury after a big hit. He wound up in a wheelchair and later died. During a practice in 2008, when Kluver was already well into his career at Indianola, a sophomore linebacker named Joey Goodale absorbed what seemed like a normal hit on a kick return and smacked the back of his head on the turf. A few minutes later, he collapsed. He was unconscious, his body rigid. Zac Easter was there on the field that day, watching his childhood pal get loaded into an ambulance. Goodale was in a coma for three weeks. He spent months in a rehab facility. He never really recovered. He’s 23 now, lives with his parents, works at UPS and unloads trucks at a local grocery store, and has struggled with addiction.


Kluver could always set those two memories aside and keep going. Those were accidents. But with Zac, this was no accident. This was football. “To see him lying in that casket,” he says now, “you would think that would be enough to make you say that enough is enough.”


And yet. Months later, Kluver would lead his team onto the field for their first game of the 2016 season. After the game, he would retreat to his windowless office in the bowels of Indianola High School, the redbrick walls covered with posters of all the teams he’s coached, the three Easter boys and their father pictured in nearly all of them. In the hallways of the school, he’ll still see an occasional big hammer T-shirt. He stopped giving them out a few years ago, when it started to feel wrong.


Kluver still believes in football. He believes there is more good that comes from the sport than bad. He believes life is full of risks, and that we should not pad our children with bubble wrap. But his faith is rattled. When he hears of what Zac wrote in his journal—that he wished he’d never played football—Kluver squeezes his eyes shut and puts a hand to his forehead.


“I’ve seen both ends of the spectrum,” he says. “All the great times and the big wins, but I’ve also been attending funerals. There’s definitely been times where I’ve said, ‘Is this worth it?’”

Two Weeks Later

In the kitchen, Brenda Easter’s aunts sit at the table writing thank-you letters to people who attended Zac’s funeral. In the living room, under Zac’s mounted ten-point buck, his father, his mother, his elder brother, and Ali sit in a semicircle. There aren’t many tears now; they are trying to move from mourning into doing something. Start a foundation in his honor, speak to football players about the risk of concussions, push the NFL to take the risks more seriously.


But in the living room, the television is on mute, tuned to Vikings-Packers. January football. Huge game. Hated rivals, the NFC North title on the line. The men in the house, including this reporter, peek at their phones checking fantasy-football scores.

Brenda and Myles Sr. and Myles Jr. are talking about how Zac’s suicide must not be in vain, about how they must use his name to push for awareness and research into concussions and CTE. They plan to send Zac’s brain tissue to Omalu, the pioneering neurologist and inspiration for the Will Smith movie Concussion (which itself was based on an article in GQ). They’ve found the diaries, and they’ve read as much as they could bear. They’re going to do what Zac asked. He left instructions.


Four Months Later

“Here’s what I do, and this is terrible,” Myles Easter Sr. says, standing in his kitchen, his voice low so his wife in the next room can’t hear. “I’ll drink like 18 beers maybe on a Tuesday night. I make sure I don’t drive. I’ll drink a fifth of vodka or something.”

It’s a breezy spring afternoon. Myles is wearing a chain around his neck with a metal pendant—a reproduction of Zac’s thumbprint. Zac’s ashes are in an urn on the mantel. In a few weeks, the Easters will get the medical report back from Omalu’s lab, confirming what Zac already knew: CTE. The official diagnosis brings with it a peculiar kind of relief.

But now what?


Zac left instructions: Print his story off his laptop, post it to Facebook, use the pain of his life and too-early death to warn the world about CTE. Get people like us—football fans, football players, football lifers—to face the truth about people like him.

And now we have. Those were his instructions, so that’s what his family did. So now what?

We could ban football. (But we love football.) We could allow people to play football only once they turn 18, which is what Omalu has proposed. (And what happens when 18-year-old athletic phenoms—freight trains who have never learned to tackle properly—are suddenly turned loose on one another? Is that better?) We could take away tackling. (Sorry, no one’s watching the National Flag Football League.) We could build a safer helmet. (Which will only encourage players to use their heads as weapons.) We could have a consistent concussion protocol through all levels of football. (We already do in the NFL. Ask Cam Newton how well it’s working.)


Every solution ends up not solving enough of the problem.

And for most of us, this is perfectly okay. The paradox of CTE’s discovery is that it’s given most of us a sneaky ethical out, hasn’t it? No professional football player can claim now to be unaware of the risks. It’s a free country. We’re all adults here.

Unless we’re not adults. Unless we’re kids, like Zac was. Can we really let kids keep doing this? If so, how? Now what?


After Zac’s suicide, Brenda wanted the entire family to get counseling, but Myles Sr. declined. “Fuck, I don’t need no counseling,” he said. He doesn’t cry for his son. He wants to do something for his son, so he can be able to say, “Zac died for this.” But in the meantime, he drinks a few beers. He takes the dogs on walks. And then after his wife goes to sleep, he stands alone in the kitchen, and he drinks some more.

“That’s how I deal with it.”


In the aftermath of Zac’s death, the Easter family launched a non-profit called CTE Hope with the goal of spreading education and awareness about head injuries, as well as to support research around concussion prevention and treatment of head trauma. To learn more or donate, visit www.cte-hope.org.  (of course they did!)


Reid Forgrave is a writer in Minneapolis. This is his first article for GQ.

This story originally appeared in the January 2017 issue with the title “The CTE Diaries.”

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